the day I almost died

I don't have any photos to upload because I lost my phone, but I will instead tell you of how I got this extraordinarily bad sunburn.

I was swimming near some naked people, when I spotted 2 friends of mine. I won't use their real names, but I will refer to them as Finland and Wentworth. Finland told me that they had recently came from exploring the dunes, and that I should check them out. Wentworth gave me Finland's phone so I can take some pictures for us, as I couldn't because my phone had been lost. I trudged into the unknown, ditching my flip flops and without shirt or sunscreen, as I anticipated a short trip and a good tan. I climbed along the coast, taking pretty pictures and enjoying the view. Little did I know what horrors awaited me beyond the dunes. I headed inland to cross to the other beach, unaware of the vast amount of space in between the beach I had began my expedition from and my destination, the beach where the aforementioned naked people had swum. As I crossed the dunes, I used bridges constructed from wood, following signs and enjoying the sights. I enjoyed the sights a little too much, for by the time I lifted my head, I found myself without any path and surrounded by sand for what felt like light-years. I let out a breathy curse which will not be written here and continued my journey. I could feel the sun bleached sand cooking my feet like a fine steak dinner, and as I crawled from dune to dune I prayed to the Greek Gods that I find a vantage point so I could pinpoint my location. I managed to find one, and as I pulled myself up with what little strength I had, I thought of my comrades, climbing onto the bus, leaving me behind like a missing phone. I finally reached the top of the weenie, and using my Eagle Scout skills, triangulated my location to be VERY far away from where I needed to be. So I resiliently hiked on, feet and back burning, driven mad from the heat, and possibly on the verge of death. After what felt like an eternity, I arrived at my destination, the beach that seemed oh so distant, but like a dream come true I was now standing at. I ran towards the water, and like a cruel twist of fate from a vengeful god, I kicked a rock and fatally injured my pinkie toe. And so now I realized that I had only completed the first half of my journey. I chose the less painful of two evils, and walked back on my torn toe through the salt water, for the sand and rocks jumped to my wound like a moth to light . I finally made it back, and using my handy dandy first aid kit I repaired the damage, saving myself from the possibilities of amputation. But alas, like Stanley through the Congo, this would scar me in ways that I have yet to even see. Physically I am the human equivalent of a satuee, but the emotional scars had yet to be set. As I sat down, a large, Greek gentleman approached me, let's call him Bat-Puncher, and mocked my bandaged toe. I am happy I escaped with my life from this treacherous wasteland, and I now have learned the lessons the Donners learned over a century ago- never stray off the trail.

and I still haven't found my phone.