Being sad in happy places.
One of my biggest problems in life is not being able to get thoughts out of my head. Whether it be through an inability to put my thoughts into words, or a laziness to not want to write them, I tend to keep things trapped inside until they kind of burst out. One thing that I find strange that I want to try to explain somewhere outside of my head is the idea of being sad in happy places. I love Greece. I love the natural beauty, the urban grit, the authenticity, the people and the history. I love the course material and the people we study it with. I love the hospitality of the women at the institute and the Vamvakas family. I love the sites we have seen and the adventures we have had. I love everything about this trip and this country and I still seem to sad all the time, and I don’t think I’m the only one that feels this way.
I feel a lot of guilt spending so much money to come out here, even if I did borrow it. I feel guilty not being at home to help out my mom with my sister, or being able to see my step father or my brothers. I don’t like not being able to comfort Carina wen she has had a long day after work, or only being able to check up on my friends over the phone. I spend a lot of time looking at the water and reflecting about my life and choices I have made however many days weeks months or years ago and there is a strange weight that that carries with it that I don’t know if I will ever shake. I deleted the last two blog posts that I wrote because I thought they were too sad but I think I’ll post this one. I am having a great time and I am very thankful for this opportunity but I guess there is baggage you take with you no matter how light you travel.
There is a song I like to listen to when I’m in nature and stuff, it is called Irene by Beach House and if you read this you should listen to it
and also please don’t bring this up to me if you read it <3
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